Seeking replacement for top 5 list

It’s official. Vince Vaughn is no longer on my top 5 list. I realize that he may have been a questionable member of the roster to begin with – especially with fellow list mates like Matthew McConaughey and Mr. Pitt – but there’s just something about a tall funny man that does it for me. Sorry.

As I’m lying on my back, gritting my teeth and trying desperately to think about anything but the dreaded PAP that’s underway, I look up at the ceiling only to see Vincie staring back down at me. Thanks doc for the attempted distraction, but do you really think I want to associate what you’re doing down there with any man… top 5 or otherwise?

Here’s a suggestion. Do us a favor and plaster the ceiling with bad habits and vices we need help kicking. Try a big plate of fries, a slice of pie, a cigarette, a 24 ounce happy hour margarita, ANYTHING. Or take the opportunity to inappropriately work in your political agenda here. Hillary supporter? Put an Obama campaign poster up there. I don’t care. Just don’t shatter our top 5 dreams with your cold hands and excessively bright light. Please.