Paris on Ice

I wish I was talking about a new Ice Capades show featuring the heiress on skates alongside Elmo, but I’m not. I’ve always tried to keep my topics as far away from the not-so-fab four (Paris, Britney, Richie and Lohan) as possible, but I just couldn’t resist this one.

So it seems that not only will our generation get to enjoy Paris for the rest of our lives, so will our children and our grandchildren and our great grandchildren… According to all of my top gossip sources, Miss Hilton recently invested thousands of her well-earned, hard-working dollars in her eternal frozen afterlife thanks to the technologies of the Cryonics Institute.

Yes, she will be preserved on ice for hundreds, maybe even thousands of years. I know you’re all concerned for her and the loneliness she might have to endure in popsicleville, but don’t be. She also plans to take poor pups Tinkerbell and Cinderella with her – that is, if she doesn’t lose them again before she goes.